This is the another installment in a recurring series keeping the world up to date on the 8th wonder of the world, Bartolo Colon. As a portly man myself I feel a special connection with Big Sexy and as his career comes to a close, the world deserves a pulse check after every start. Frankly, its the least I can do for the man who gave us the single greatest moment on a baseball diamond:


Sadly, the Texas bats couldn’t give Big Sexy any runs at all last night and wasted a perfectly good 7 innings of 2 run ball from the big cat himself. It really is a damn shame, the man is 45 years old and gives you 7 innings of 2 run baseball, you can’t help a brother out at all?

In all fairness, Berrios has been disgusting for the Twins this year. The fact that a 45 year old overweight pitcher can still go out there and hang with one of the best young bucks in the game should be considered a win for the Bartolo crowd in fact.

Still, I can’t help but be a little angry at the Rangers offense. When the ancient big man reaches into his bag of tricks to give your sorry excuse for a ballclub a shot a beating a VERY GOOD arm in the AL, you don’t waste that present. Every single Tolo outing at this point is a gift from the gods, and the burden now falls on the Rangers lineup to make sure these outings don’t go to waste. Nobody wants to see Bartolo go the way of 2015-2016 Kobe (no disrespect, love the Mamba), dropping 20 a night on a 17-65 team. Lets let this big fella go out the way of a David Ortiz mixed in with the longevity of that twiggy fuck Jamie Moyer.